


Saying goodbye (time and time again)

by sugarandspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Hopeful Ending, Immortality, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 14:17:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: Magnus is browsing his wardrobe to find something to wear to his date with Alexander later that evening, when his hand stops at a garment bag neatly hanging on his coat rack among all his other coats and jackets - like it doesn’t hold a morbid weight of loss and sorrow.





	Saying goodbye (time and time again)

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking through my wardrobe and I saw a pretty dress that I can't wear, because the last time I wore it was to a funeral. That got me thinking.

There’s a jacket in Magnus’ closet he only takes out for funerals.

Magnus is browsing his wardrobe to find something to wear to his date with Alexander later that evening, when his hand stops at a garment bag neatly hanging on his coat rack among all his other coats and jackets - like it doesn’t hold a morbid weight of loss and sorrow. 

Magnus knows what’s inside that bag. A simple black jacket, stylish but timeless enough to have lasted Magnus almost a century now. He bought it in the early 1900s, and although he likes how the jacket looks like, knows it would go well with several outfits, the memories of where he used it for the first time have tainted its beauty, coating it with a veil of sadness. 

How could he wear it casually, when it had once been worn to honor a life, to say goodbye to a person as well as the life Magnus had with them.

He had moved to another country after that. His memories of the time are hazy, and he can’t remember where he had ran, but the jacket had moved with him, has followed him wherever he’s gone.

Because no matter how far he ran and how often he switched places, death and loss were bound to find him. Magnus could argue that death is as big of a worry for an immortal as it is to someone who is mortal, perhaps even more so. Every time Magnus watched death claim yet another loved one, he felt it take a part of his heart as well. It got to the point where Magnus thought that he had no more pieces left to hand over. The death might not be able to physically claim him, not without the aid from a deadly weapon, but the pain it left behind was always excruciating. 

He’s faced loss more times than he can count, each time one too many. And ever since the early 1900s, every time he’s attended a funeral - or whatever name they’ve used of the ceremony - he’s worn the same jacket. 

He briefly wonders when will be the next time he’ll have to use it.

Wonders if it’ll be in a pure white ceremony.

Magnus pulls his hand away from the garment bag like it’s made of burning embers. He can’t go there, can’t let his thoughts wander to what will be - to what at least now is still an unavoidable future for them. It does no good to wallow in the loss that is to come, when he could have centuries to think about it after the inevitable has happened. He’ll have to use his time wisely now.

He reaches to the jacket a couple hangers to the left, taking out a blue jacket with shiny buttons and black details. It’s different to the simple jacket in the bag, more colourful, more full of life. He turns his back to the garment bag and heads out of the closet, plastering on a smile.

For now the smile feels forced, but Magnus has no doubt that it’ll turn genuine when he lays his eyes on Alexander. He’s going out with his boyfriend and he’s going to be happy.

Besides, he said it himself. Even he can’t see the future.   

**Author's Note:**

> [You can find me from tumblr too!](https://www.sugarandspace.tumblr.com)


End file.
